Life after Gestational Surrogacy: A Guide for Former Surrogate Mothers

Becoming a gestational surrogate is an extraordinary act for which Surrogacy America expresses deep admiration and gratitude. We understand that the surrogacy process can be all-consuming right up to the moment the baby is born, and then things can seem especially tricky, even after the counseling and support the surrogate received prior to and during pregnancy.

Surrogates are carefully screened prior to matching with intended parents to ensure that they understand their role as a surrogate mother and they are prepared for the experience of completing their pregnancy. That being said, just because the surrogate delivered a baby and fulfilled her role doesn’t mean the experience is simply “over.” Surrogacy America has provided a helpful guide below to aid surrogates as they transition from the surrogacy experience.

  • The surrogate’s relationship with the intended parents and their child is determined prior to completion of the surrogacy agreement. These talks are the designated time to discuss expectations and wishes for how involved the surrogate will or will not be in the lives of the couple she so graciously helped. It is essential that both parties are completely honest during these discussions – if anything is held back or someone agrees to something they are unhappy with, there’s no opportunity to change it once the agreement is signed and the medical process begins. Read our Surrogate Mother Checklist to learn more.

  • Continue to use a support network after the child is born. Surrogates need the support of family members, friends and even support groups during the surrogacy process, and this need will not discontinue post-childbirth. Family and friends are going to be some of the most understanding and supportive people as the transition from surrogate motherhood begins, and support group members hold the benefit of sincerely knowing what other surrogates are going through every step of the way.

  • Take the time to work through any difficult emotions. The weeks and months post-childbirth can be fraught with emotionally-charged, hormone-driven moments as the body settles back into its normal routine. Pushing away or ignoring emotions during this time for the sake of “moving on” is ill-advised because it can lead to larger emotional issues and troubles in the future.

Most important, former surrogates need to remember that they are never alone. There are many resources both in-person and online that can provide guidance and support.

Related Topics: Post-childbirth, Surrogate support, Surrogate screening