How to Explain Surrogacy to Your Child

Explaining surrogacy can come with challenges, but for most your family and friends are adults who have likely already heard of surrogacy arrangements, how they work and why they are used. Explaining surrogacy to your child, on the other hand, can be particularly tricky – parents want to be honest but are aware that too many facts can confuse a child.

Your child will have a lot of questions, and he or she will be very curious why their birth story may be different from others. It’s understandable that the topic may cause some stress for parents, but as surrogacy arrangements and modern family building methods continue to grow in popularity, the topic will come up more often. At Surrogacy America, we want every aspect of the surrogacy process to be as smooth and stress-free as possible, and this includes offering tips and advice on how to explain surrogacy to your child.

Baby Steps Are Best

It can be tempting to reveal everything about how your child came into the world at once and then let the child ask questions, but it’s important to take your child’s age into account when you first begin to discuss surrogacy. The younger the child, the less he will be able to understand about how a baby is made without the use of reproductive technology and a surrogate carrier, let alone how a baby is born with the assistance of both. It may be easier to start broad with how babies are made (in age-appropriate terms) and then begin to talk about your child’s individual birth story – as a compare and contrast approach to the subject.

Have a Clear Message

Since it’s perfectly understandable that your child may be confused at first, it’s a good idea to have a clear message present throughout the conversation. As your child ages, the subject will become easier for him to understand and digest, but in the meantime, make it clear that you (and your partner) needed help to have a baby and a very kind, generous woman (your surrogate carrier) agreed to help make your dream possible. Emphasizing that your child was so wanted and dreamed of that others were willing to help bring he or she into the world is a great takeaway that your child can keep with him as they asks questions and grow to understand their birth story.

Explore Resources

The team behind Surrogacy America is happy to help get you and your partner started, but a wealth of resources is available online and in books for parents who used surrogacy to build their family. The surrogacy and fertility communities online and in support groups can offer substantial aid and encouragement for all related subjects, including how to explain surrogacy to your child – and the same is true for surrogate mothers who are unsure of explaining their role to their own children.

Related Topics: Parenthood